Poetics

Monday, January 30, 2017

Brother Paphnutius - an ongoing parable (Part VI)

Except the Lord build the house, their labour is but lost that build it. (Psalm 127: 1)

<>< <>< <><

Disorder

June, 367 A.D. - the Egyptian desert

In the early afternoons it was the custom of Br. Paphnutius and the other brethren with whom he lived in close proximity to take a brief siesta in order to strengthen themselves for their afternoon work (and to avoid the hottest part of the day during the long desert summers!). One day, as he was just lying down on the floor (surely you weren't expecting a cot, bed, or other comfort), his head hitting the reed mat, he heard a loud "CRASH" followed by some language he hadn't heard or uttered in many a long year (well before his conversion in fact).

He got up to investigate and peered out the entrance to his cave only to find what he suspected, Br. Barsenuphius of Carthage (whom they had nicknamed "the loud one" as he was somewhat hard of hearing and thus spoke in a more voluminous manner than was generally necessary, not to mention being somewhat cantankerous and unsettled personality-wise).

Br. Barsenuphius was building himself a house (out of wood nonetheless - no damp, dingy cave for him) and thus intended to stay for a while, invited or not by the local community. He was for many years a tapestry merchant and thus developed a taste for comforts that had proven unshakeable upon taking up the monastic life. No one was quite sure which "Rule" he followed to maintain his monastic discipline, and no one dared ask him.

As far as anyone local knew (and had heard!), this was the third location he had tried to build his house upon and yet was meeting no success for his efforts. The ground in this area was notorously unstable for construction purposes. Even if you could complete a decent foundation it never remained stable and any walls you tried to build were invariably too crooked to set a roof on. He had been warned by other brethren in the area, but to no effect. Br. Barsenuphius was nothing if not stubbornly determined.

Watching this spectacle take place before him, Paphnutius couldn't help but admire the man's fortitude and constancy. It was unfortunate how ill-directed these were in him. It seemed so obvious to anyone looking at him from the outside what sort of mental disorder and chaos "the loud one" lived amidst. Could he himself see it?

This past Sunday during the midnight office, the Gospel lesson was the Prodigal Son from St. Luke 15. Who could soon forget the pathetic imagery of the younger son who not only had the audacity to ask his father for his portion of the inheritance (effectively wishing him a premature death), but also then to waste it on pleasures for himself? His older brother wouldn't have dreamed of doing something similar. He stayed on, toiling away for the estate. While the one grew penitent in the midst of his vice, the other grew immobile in his virtue, blinded by his sense of righteousness to the point where he couldn't even countenance the love and longing of his father for whom he had shown ostensible loyalty.

"Hmmm..." thought Paphnutius. "That house may yet be the death of Barsenuphius, or it may prove to be his salvation should it remain stubbornly resistant to completion."

The moral of (this part) of the story: It is not always easy to see things as they are, for a variety of reasons. We are really too "close" to ourselves to be able to render impartial judgement of our own motivations (for good or ill) and as we have ourselves as our primary frame of reference, those things which annoy and bother us most in other people are, as likely as not, simply a reflexion of that which we despise most about ourselves, whether we see it or not.

Also, consider those with mental illnesses whose perspective on things is, by its very nature, skewed from what is common or "normal". And then...be patient with yourself, be patient with other people, love God, allow yourself to be loved by Him, and then everything will become much clearer and easier to deal with.

To be continued...

No comments:

Post a Comment